Saturday, August 1, 2009


Every relationship isn't perfect. You can never have that Cinderella moment every second. I am going through so many obstacles, I always get stuck in between alone and usually end up feeling depressed or useless. I can't deny that I knew this was happening but I blindly went into it and expected no flaws. I was wrong and stupid. I have my ups and my downs, it's just confusing. The feeling of me being the dragon and him being the normal one kept me thinking. Why do I have such temper? I never had that during the early years. I can't control it, it comes naturally and eventually feeling guilty at the end. I don't shout and scream, but I become emotional and moody. It looks like I'm expecting too much. My boyfriend has his exams coming up, so everyone insists on telling me to give in for this few months. Of course, I shall follow it. Probably I'll shed some tears, my heart feeling fragile, as if it will break anytime soon. I think too much.. I ask advice from my friends and most of them tell me its not my fault and I should tell him about how I feel. I mean that is the right solution but It's better to keep it and let it go. It'll be very hard for me, but I am forced to do such actions. Sometimes, I want to be the girl in the relationship. As in fully 100% girl, being such that he becomes the gentlemen. Dream on... I am so confused, sometimes I'll stop and think, Should I act this way? This happens most of the time. This is when I go to my friends and ask for help. My friends are really there for me, I'm really happy that they are there to support me in any way.
Would you agree, that you would want to start all over again and reverse time to regain back those days with no problems and you would act so lovey dovey in front of everyone without feeling disgusted? I would, sometimes when I'm out with him, I want that to happen; but it looks so impossible. I love him to the fullest, I love him everyday; but I struggle whenever something happens and I wouldn't know what to do. I'll be so scared making the wrong decisions. I am sacrificing my time, my love, my trust and my patience for him at the moment. I should let him go. His choice to not be with me and choose his friends if he has to make himself more relaxed. I'm out of ideas to make this work. It is not as bad as it sounds, but somehow it's mentally challenging me. Ouh well...



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