Friday, May 14, 2010

Thinking back

Fast forward, Hello peeps
I know it's been a while since my last post.
I've been updating my Tumblr (sort of)
Well what's on my mind now...
Honestly.. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. Lack of sleep, and not enough of food consumption. Whole workload of shit. I know I CAN handle this, but for now I'm too tired to even think about it.
I know it's too late to talk about this, but I do avoid this topic and I feel so awkward talking about it. I am enjoying life now, being single. Just the fact that, I did not plan to move on and I didn't think he would as well. I wasn't prepared for such news. Knowing that person even broke my heart into shattered pieces. The amount of apologies given won't change how I feel. I mean, I can't brush off a year that easily. This takes time and somehow I'm taking all my time to do so. I asked for it, so now I'm facing the consequences. I can't help to think that, it's just my luck and I will always end up being like this. The feeling of betrayal keeps replaying in my mind and more and more of those makes me depressed. It's karma, I guess. My perception of moving on, doesn't mean I need a boyfriend, I can live without one even though I will have an urge of wanting one. I really try to ignore you but you keep popping up like some pop up book and it catches me off guard. I can't look at your name and her name, I just imagine the most frustrating thing ever. I'll feel even more insecure. However, I did turn into a more optimistic person and I'm liking this feeling. Annoying at times, but I remembered I used to be like this last time. I guess I'm more friendly? I don't know, but I open up to people even more easily now. I feel cheery and people give the same vibe as well and it helps me, A LOT. Surrounded by people sort of puts my mind off him. I know that my family and friends are there to support me and I am so thankful for that. I don't know when I'll heal exactly but I know time is what I have now and I'm spending it slowly.

I want to say more but I think I would rather talk about one thing at a time.
Till then..