Past and Future

Hey,
I went shopping with my family. Crazy I might say, but worth a buy. I am satisfied. Well, 80%
I just need those jeans and jacket. :)

Anyways, this has been running through my mind for months and months. I respect those whom are in a relationship but work out and be just fine with each other. I am saying as in, they act the same way as when they first saw each other. I regret making mistakes but I just miss everything. That glow and spark we had. Can old flames rekindle once it is blown out? I hope so. I love him more than I can imagine, I have done so many things with him and it has been great because I love spending time with him every time. I know there will be time where we'll argue and disagree with most things, but I remember us being juts fine. I thought of, why? How? I feel stupid because some thing can just happen so quickly and I wouldn't know how to react. I can say that both of us changed and some of it isn't a good change. Both of us realized that because that was what made us fight. It's because of the change. I hate change, I think we should have maintained the way we were and never changed. I'm saying change too much already. -.-
I wish I could turn back time OR forward time so we can be happy together.I want that beat in my heart beating 80km/h or my face turning red or my feet not touching the ground. Is it because I'm too comfortable with him? I do feel those, but not all the time. Hopefully, after both of us aren't occupied with our studies, we can be like the way we were. I'm just saying that I miss that so much. I even miss him right now. I am even thinking of me being really needy and selfish at this moment. Why do I even think all this?

This post was a bit too touchy. I don't know, stress has gotten me in my head I guess.
I want to sleep soon. Soo

Toodles

Glorious Friday

Evening peeps!
August is ending soon and I had a load of dramatic episodes this whole month.
Anyways, I learned from it and I'll change whatever needs to be changed.

I realized, after not servicing my car and it is overdue; it is making weird noises and the speaker is sort of broken. I need to take care of that car. I've been leaving it and it is dirty, but I have to find a long hose though..

After my Islamic studies, I thought of wasting time but ended up making myself even more bored. I went to the library with naqib, intending to use the computer then after an hour he went out so he left me alone. At that moment, I had never felt that foreign in my college ever. There was this one group beside me, talking so loud and i think they were international students? I felt so uncomfortable and awkward , but to think of it; one of the group member was a tad bit too close to my chair and placing his hands at my table. Felt like pushing his hand down. Anyhoo, I went to the locker to get my bag then I forgot I left my sketchbook under the table. Went back to the computer lab with my gigantic bag and accidentally hit the computer down and it fell. The room was suddenly quiet as if you could hear a pin needle drop. I was and am beyond embarrassed and I said sorry too much but he didn't respond. I tried to walk as fast as I could after that incident. Hated the whole situation.
I think I embarrass myself too much.

I think my hormones are excessively flooding in my system. I feel : insecure, uncomfortable, emotional, tired, sweaty and fat. Darn these feelings. Imagine if I'm pregnant, I think it'll be gazillion as worse. Well, I just watched Labour pains and it is hilarious but quite cliche at some point. So I suddenly thought of pregnancy. I don't think i'll be ready even if i'm 30! or not, i'm not sure.

OUH yeah! You should watch this show. Darul had introduced me too. It is called.....

Salad Fingers!

Its really creepy and funny. Well you be the judge of it. There are 8 episodes all together.
So this is episode 1.

Well signing off!

Toodles :)

Nursery

Good Morning :)
I am really shocked with the amount of people reading my blog. I am really happy though. :)
I remembered making sure everyone didn't know my blog existed but then my friends found it somehow and linked me. So I accepted the fact to make posts and knowing that people from any country would read it. Anyways, I am happy it reached to a few thousand! Double Triple Gazillion SHOCK! :O
So thank you :)

Anyways, I just finished my Typography assignment and its about making a nursery rhyme book. This may sound easy, but it isn't. Anyhoo, due to researching for the cutest nursery rhyme, I have realized that most nursery rhymes are just WHACK. For instance, rock-a-bye-baby. If you read it carefully, the baby is in the cradle and at the end the cradle fell from a tree and the cradle broke. So conclusion? The baby died. Okay, another example, Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum! The giant wants the break the Englishmen bones to make his bread. How freaky is that?! Little Miss Muffet is really teaching children to be scared of spiders. One more, Three blind mice, the lady practically cut off the rats tail with a knife.
So from now on, I don't think i'll be singing these songs to my children.

It's almost a week since puasa started, so far so good. No misses, YET. However, this is helping me change myself back to what I was and making me be a better person.
This saturday is the lelong lelong bazaar, I shall go there with Dauz and I am ready to shop for new items for my closet :)

I feel like picking up where I left off. Probably, start playing the guitar again and the piano. Using the dslr more often, start speaking french more often again, be more passionate with my work, start dressing up a bit, take care of myself. I should I should.
What do you think?

Well that is the end of my post.
Toodles :)

Day ONE

What up homies?! XD
Today is the 1st day of bulan Ramadhan, and I shall utilize this day to the fullest. Hopefully. Well this past few days wasn't that 'great' but I feel better now. My assignments are slowly piling up and I am procrastinating by the day and I think I have gold fish disease. Anyways, yesterday I went to college and we were studying Islamic Studies, I wore my baju kurung because Darul was wearing his baju melayu then since it was the last day before puasa starts I thought of eating a lot but I failed. haaha
I went to the cafe near block B then by 11.30 I went to fetch Dauz and he was wearing baju melayu too, ironically. While waiting for Dauz, Shaira saw me first and it had been months since my last meet up with her. Missed hanging out. I went to Subang Parade, supposedly to eat but ended up drinking Oreo Shake. Met Reena, Yi-vonne, Gordon and Renna's friends at secret recipe. We went back to Dauz's house by 2 then we hung out, I learned Boston on his keyboard then played a few songs then we watched Almost famous.
That night, I went to Shaira's Aunties House for a dinner/ farewell dinner for Adel. Talked to Shaira and while watching I survived a Japanese TV Show on 8TV; I slept.

That's it really, quite boring.
Shall write something more interesting next time.
Well, a few more hours to buka puasa. My first day of fasting D.O.N.E :)

Toodles :)

Today?

Today was quite okay?
I came to college around 10 plus and met ezreena at the library, saw her doing her so called 'three' ducks. Then we walked around. We tried finding the student lounge, we failed AT FIRST. Then, we managed to find it. They have a piano, a guitar, a foosball table and a tv with a few chairs and sofas. Cool ain't it. Played the guitar, but forgot all the songs, except one. ahaha.
Learned a new song from ezreena on the piano and tried a few songs that I remembered. Then played foosball. That will be the first and last time this month. Unless someone wants to pay for it of course ;)
I am in a 'saving' mode. I have been spending a lot, but Saturday is not an option to not spend :p we had class and my work was approved by Mr. Ken. Went back home then Voila! I am blogging now.

It has been 3 days? Mtv World Stage has ended and people are still talking about it. Well it must have been great. I do regret not going because I had the greatest opportunity that was in front of my stupid face, but I did not take full advantage of it. Sigh... Kasabian performed. KASABIAN performed. I seriously hope that they will come again. PLEASE! I have that feeling of, in-your-face-i-went-to-MTV-and-you-didn't. I feel like punching their faces. I sound like I need anger management, I do feel envious, but what can I do? It passed and I missed the whole event. Pity pity.

Well, so far I used twitter and reading twitter from celebrities are quite fascinating. I don't know, it is slowly growing on me. Well, it is similar to updating your status on facebook with a little twist. Ya'know?
Anyways, I thought of so many things to write but I still can't remember it until now.
I need to get rid of this gold fish memory.

Toodles :)

Cooperate PEOPLE!

Hey hey,
I just came back from a futsal game.
Anyways, my housing area (Jalan Datuk Sulaiman) started a group called JDS. Every lane has their own group. JDS, JDS 3 and JDS 4. My lane, JDS 4 has residents whom do not want to cooperate and act like little kids. The reason why JDS started a group was because, we started using security guards after numerous house break-ins and robbery. So, JDS thought of hiring security guards to handle the situation. Of course, there were some procedures and everyone had to pay. However, some residents did not want to cooperate and start harrasing the JDS group mail. Spamming the inbox using vulgar language, not just that, making childish names and sueing the committee. There is a reason why the group discussed on using a security guards. It was for our own safety and there had been too many cases; I could say I am one of them. It would be a hassle for visitors to come because they would have to register and stop at the guard house, but it's for our own good. I don't understand why they don't get that.

Well, I am signing off, i smell really bad. :S

Twitter

I have a twitter account. Never thought I'd do it. Seriously. -.-

Sunday blues

Here goes a pessimistic Sunday..
I can't deal the fact that after numerous discussions, the mistake repeats itself again and again and again. I hate that, it feels like a lie. It feels like I am no more important. I see it as if I am just a toy with extremely imbalanced hormones with excessive emotions. I feel so weak. I feel so stupid. I feel so lonely. Gosh.. This is just sad. Its so pathetic.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I REGRET

Decisions decisions

Hey people,
excited for tomorrow? I bet some of you guys are and I am talking about Mtv World Stage. I was surprised at the last minute, miracles started to happen. My cousin offered free tickets and my friend Daryoosh had extra tickets which was about Rm150 and Ezreena wanted to give her ticket too. Sadly to say, I turned all of them down. I had a few reasons.
Numero Uno : The line will be extremely long and I would have to wait there for a few hours to get in. Second : It will be very packed and I wouldn't be able to breath. Trois : I bet there will be sick people somewhere in the crowd. Fourth : I want to watch Kasabian ONLY; so it's as good as wasting my time there. Fifth : I have other plans that might or might NOT happen. So to make my life easier, I decided to not go. Hopefully, I won't regret this decision I made.

My brain is malfunctioning and it is not working that well. Stupid typo. I am out of ideas. Most of the pages are the same images composed at different corners or angles.

My new neighbour whom is living right behind my house, has a dog. A cute one actually, but they're not taking of him/her that well. It barks every time and when it rains, it'll be soaking wet and it'll bark even more. Not just that, they chain him/her, even though the dog is at the back. No freedom at all. I pity the dog, if only I can help. :(

CONCLUSION OF THE DAY:
I miss my dad :(

Conversations

I watched 3 movie's this August.
but I liked Conversation with Other Women.


It's about this old lovers and 'ironically' they met at a wedding. At the beginning, they looked like strangers wanting a one night stand, but then after a few more minutes, you finally get that they knew each other 10 years ago. I liked the way the movie was shot. It was 2 different shots side by side, relating to each other somehow. At the end, it connected. So that means, the whole 1 hour plus, has 2 different shots side by side. It was mainly shot in the hotel. Focusing just the two of them. Both loved each other deeply because of their past history but both of them moved on, and has a husband with 2 children which is actually his and he has a girlfriend. They did take it to the next level during the night but that did not decide them to stay together. At the end, they split up eventually. It was a one day shot.
I liked it somehow. The sarcasm, the jokes was entertaining.

Hair People

Hello there,
I actually have loads to write about, but I remember only 50% of it.
Anyways, recently I've been going to this salon called cuckoo? (If I'm not mistaken) quite often.
Meaning twice in 2 weeks? but of course I washed my hair once and the other trip was to follow my friend cut her NEW & AWESOME haircut :)
I stumbled upon a hair washer, and talked to him. However, it felt like an unprofessional and an uncomfortable vibe. The first trip was fine, felt very I'm-talking-to-a-hair-washer-vibe. Then the other trip was a biiiit fishy. Let me re-play the conversation

(After saying Hello and asking how we were)
Hair Washer said: Kenapa tak nak cuci rambut?
Liyana said: Tak de duit la, my mom gave me only Rm50 for this WHOLE week for everything.
Hair Washer said: Alaaah, boleh pinjam duit from me maa.
Liyana said: What?! Buat apa. *With a shocked face
Hair Washer said: Kenapa mak kamu tak nak pinjam dari Ah Long?
**I merely said, I don't trust an Ah Long
Liyana said: Tak Nak lah
** Before I wanted to say I didn't trust an Ah Long
Hair Washer said: Saya Ah Long maa, boleh pinjam dari saya. Boleh pinjam Rm 50 sekarang?
Liyana said: tak pe tak pe tak pe.
**Then I tried to ignore him due to feeling of uncomfortable -ness from the whole situation

After a few days, we bumped into him at Chanai at SS15. I didn't want to be rude, so I smiled and waved at him.

Yi vonne and I were eating and talking. Then he interupted us by asking both of us if we could go out to a club with him that night. My answer, without a doubt was a NO. I said no a couple of times, but he kept asking me again and again. I gave him so many excuses, but somehow he was stubborn. Then he said, if anything I'll contact you. At that time, I didn't remember giving him my phone number or e-mail and I was sure about it. Then I forgot, I signed up the registration form to get discounts whenever I want to cut or wash my hair. Plus, my address was there too. Damn.. :S

To top it off, I told My boyfriend. Mr. Dauz the whole thing and he is pissed. He wants to burn the salon. Which I find it cute. :)

PS: I'm not trying to be so 'bangga' right now. I know How you feel okay?? and mine is triple gazzillion worse than yours.

The only reason why I wrote this was that, if you work for the salon, sometimes its best if you keep it as a client relationship. I don't feel that it is professional to ask girls out to a club and you don't even KNOW them. It doesn't really show a good side of you. In a way. Well, I don't like it. It feels extremely bizzare for me.
-Don't compare Jessica Simpson and her hairdresser. That's different.

I wanted to write more, but it seems that this post is really long. I think I'll write it on my next blog post. Soo...

Toodles :)

I need money and I'm hungry
Falling money and burgers in the air is fine :)

Confessions

Hey there,

No hope going to the Mtv world stage, not enough tickets sold. I wanted to, just because Kasabian will be performing. Love their songs; its fantabulous. I'll miss another band that I like. Well, I never have luck when it comes to these events. So I shoudn't bother trying. So I will be having a dull August, not going out for Merdeka either. I'll probably stay at home. I'm not sure about that. I think I am just boring. Urrrghhhh, I hate myself for that. 

I feel that, I am indirectly pressured to loose weight. I want to, it's not that I want to be fat. I feel awful, but my conscience forces me not to eat, which I do not support at all. This brings me down and I feel that people might think that excess weight is equivalent to someone whom does not have the beauty outside. Get what I mean? It's true that it is best to have the beauty inside, but to me being fat or oversized shouldn't be uncomfortable with their own self. Most men would say, you are beautiful on the outside (to a more thinner person) but when they are oversized they wouldn't really say that. If they are oversized living in a healthy lifestyle, it's better than being stick thin living unhealthy. However, I still feel uncomfortable with myself around anyone. 

I hate being compared to anyone. Especially, comparing my flaws. I don't like the feeling of being compared materialistically, I am not rich, I am not an "anak datuk". I may have a title but it does not mean I have to show it to the world to announce my status. I do not even have a status and I am partly equal with anyone, anywhere. There are times where I spend on a few things or food but I don't show off and brag to everyone. Sometimes I'm happy getting those things and I want to share my happiness with some of my friends but there are certain limits where it sounds like I purposely make you jealous. I don't want that and I actually don't like that. I don't get people,  bragging about everything. It's good that you're proud of yourself but it does have that in-your-face vibe and a I'm-better-than-you vibe too. What about a bit of modesty? That will be perfect.

My mom found out, I took money out of the ATM and I was busted. Well it was for the car, food and parking. I take out maximum Rm200 and not more than that. Well I can never get away with anything when it comes to my mother.

I was thinking.. how lazy and boring I am, is killing the people around me because I'm no fun. It's not that I planned to do that, I'm just tired and bored with what I do. I don't have that quirkiness. Actually, I was like this since I was a kid; my little nieces and nephew's would make me play games that I loath and I end up giving up at the end and disappointing them. Even if they asked me to play games that I like, I'll play for 5 minutes, then I'll stop or if they ask me to go run around with them, my answer will always say NO. I guess this is happening without me realizing. 

Now.. What do you think about me?

Signing off...

Toodles 

My thoughts at 7.16pm

Hey there,
I remembered those cam-whoring days. I still do that, but occasionally. I did that quite often actually. Every minor thing that I did, I MUST take a picture of myself. How vain can I get. No offense to anyone out there. To think of it, I rarely use the camera. I seem to be more lazy by the minute.

I can't control the need of being pessimistic and thinking everything will turn wrong and will go against me. Although some of those things are direct and true, I still overreact or get emotional too fast. Even that, I still need the comfort from my loved ones and respect. Understand how I am. Its hard to not think about it. I can forget about it for a week or so, but it'll come back. As what my mom said "The girls in our family are strong and dominant, and we can go through any obstacles". Well I hope that's true.

This August, my friends and I are planning on a day trip to Perak. Probably go to Kellie's Castle. They say its haunted and I am bringing my camera, that's for sure! The trip will probably be on the 20th. AND on the 29th of August.

We are going shopping! I am buying lots of items. Can't wait! Thank god its near my college.
We'll go there after digital imaging :D

Today, we didn't have class, due to the absence of my ustazah or ustaz. I am not sure, because they have never attended to any classes. Anyways, I ate a lot today. Yi vonne, Reena, Yi vonnes friends, their respective boyfriends and me ate at papa rich. It was expensive like hell. After that, Reena followed me to Pyramid to buy some things for Dauz. We sat at McD and ordered 2 milkshakes. Made the packet in 30min plus decorating and putting the things in. I bought voodoo beaded necklace with a 'sort of' matching earing that he did not have. Let's say it was a start over again gift. Went to his house and gave him the packet. Then, I went back at 5.

I guess I need a rest, and I need to sleep early today. I have to wake up early in the morning so that, I get a good computer seat tomorrow for digital imaging.

Toodles :)

Old flames rekindle

I want this when I grow old.

Sick Homo Sapien

I can't stand the heat and the haze. Its terrible. I'm not feeling that well and I'm assuming it's not H1N1. I had difficulty breathing and my head was spinning and it felt heavy.
Even though I'm sick, I still feel it isn't right not going to college. I have Tech English and Visual Narratives. Damn I'll miss my first class of english with our new lecturer. Well, I think I should eat something before I faint.

Toodles.

Bonding

Every relationship isn't perfect. You can never have that Cinderella moment every second. I am going through so many obstacles, I always get stuck in between alone and usually end up feeling depressed or useless. I can't deny that I knew this was happening but I blindly went into it and expected no flaws. I was wrong and stupid. I have my ups and my downs, it's just confusing. The feeling of me being the dragon and him being the normal one kept me thinking. Why do I have such temper? I never had that during the early years. I can't control it, it comes naturally and eventually feeling guilty at the end. I don't shout and scream, but I become emotional and moody. It looks like I'm expecting too much. My boyfriend has his exams coming up, so everyone insists on telling me to give in for this few months. Of course, I shall follow it. Probably I'll shed some tears, my heart feeling fragile, as if it will break anytime soon. I think too much.. I ask advice from my friends and most of them tell me its not my fault and I should tell him about how I feel. I mean that is the right solution but It's better to keep it and let it go. It'll be very hard for me, but I am forced to do such actions. Sometimes, I want to be the girl in the relationship. As in fully 100% girl, being such that he becomes the gentlemen. Dream on... I am so confused, sometimes I'll stop and think, Should I act this way? This happens most of the time. This is when I go to my friends and ask for help. My friends are really there for me, I'm really happy that they are there to support me in any way.
Would you agree, that you would want to start all over again and reverse time to regain back those days with no problems and you would act so lovey dovey in front of everyone without feeling disgusted? I would, sometimes when I'm out with him, I want that to happen; but it looks so impossible. I love him to the fullest, I love him everyday; but I struggle whenever something happens and I wouldn't know what to do. I'll be so scared making the wrong decisions. I am sacrificing my time, my love, my trust and my patience for him at the moment. I should let him go. His choice to not be with me and choose his friends if he has to make himself more relaxed. I'm out of ideas to make this work. It is not as bad as it sounds, but somehow it's mentally challenging me. Ouh well...

OFF DOING A HAIKU.

Toodles.