Saturday, March 28, 2009
I have cut my hair, sort of medium length & coloured it red.
Well just one small streak, hiding behind my other black hair. The colour is AH-MAZINGLY nice.
You have to look closely though, cause it's hidden. I was just experimenting the colour.
It looks nice I tell you.
Probably in May, I think I want to colour my whole head red.
Well I shall take a photo and post it.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Well I'll be attending Taylors College soon, as in next week, Monday.
I'm nervous & excited at the same time. I'll probably be by myself, for a certain period of time.
All I'm thinking is that, I'm better at designing than anyone there and I want to beat the crap out of them and ace everything. It 'could' happen. I don't know, or maybe not.
I really need to look good before I go, I need to buy a bag to put all my books and stationary. I need a haircut, I feel like a pontianak, my hair is almost touching my butt.
I need to get new tops because I'm so sick of wearing the same tops over and over again.
I need new flats, mine looks like my cat chewed off the front part of the shoe. Which is partially true.
Anyways, I've talked to my mom about stopping french class. It didn't work. I hate forcing myself learning something I don't like. To think about it, I'm not really learning half way. I have finished learning the basics, and that's ENOUGH. I'm just learning topics, which is really not relevant for ME. I'm not participating in any french politics, or learning business in France. The fee's are expensive, and she is willing to spend that amount of money, for nothing. Probably, if I were to write my CV, I could include french as a language that I can speak. Well, I CAN put that, but she still wants me to continue till advanced.
I can't stand it anymore. It's a bore for me whenever it's a Saturday. Opinions? I really want to give as much excuses to STOP.
Yesterday was emotionally challenging for me. It's a case of wrong timing.
The story goes like this:
I slept quite late the night before yesterday, so logically I had a tough time waking up.
My mother, woke me up so I could join her for a walk at the hill. I did say, "5 minutes".
Then, after 5 minutes, I stretched and stretched and sat on the bed looking blur and quite disoriented. I couldn't tell time at the clock because the lines looked fuzzy, so instead I took my phone and checked, at the same time, I wanted to disable the alarm clock.
Right after that, my mom was angry because I didn't move from the bed and she went down.
That woke me up right away, and I opened the door with my shorts and shirt, seeing if my mom was still angry. I had to decide whether to go down and join my mother or to go back up and sleep.
Stupid of me, I went back up and listened to some music while laying in bed. (I had my reasons)
I heard the gate closing and my mom text-ed me saying that, she was disappointed, and she couldn't belief her own daughter would do that.
After my father passed away 10 years ago, I had a closer bond with my mother because part of the reason why she stopped working and sacrificed that life is because she wanted to take care of me and the family. I was only 8 at that time and I had to grow up without a father.
My mom, has a strong will, and I know she tries her best to take care of her family.
Anyways, she was hurt, I could tell. After that, I apologized and changed my clothes and ran out to go meet my mother, although she was almost done. I walked all the way from my house to the hill. My mom still text-ed me to tell me that I was wasting my time chasing her.
I was stubborn and I ran faster to the hill. When I arrived, she was already in the car. I went in and apologized more, because I had a very dirty conscience. I tried and tried but she was still disappointed. After eating breakfast with her, I followed her wherever she went and helped anything necessary (clean the dishes, wash the clothes, hang the clothes to dry, carry the dry hanger outside the house)
JUST to make her happy.
Before that, she said a couple of things I couldn't bare hearing.
She wanted to be out of my life, because she assumed that, that was what I want. Which is OUT OF THE PICTURE. That is the last thing, not even last. Not even IN my list. I couldn't belief that came out of her mouth.
Like I said before, she is the only one that I have and I wouldn't know how to survive if she's not beside me. She is my backbone, she is what made me for who I am (the good side of course)
I don't know, that made me emotionally unbalanced.
There are other things that she said, but I don't think it's suitable to tell it in public.
Well, I have to be careful, with what I say and do.
I should, Help her more often, talk to her, be with her if she needs anything.
" This is not just for me, this is for ANYONE & EVERYONE . Your mother should be respected and be taken care of. Don't ever take your mother or father for granted, they love you even if they beat you up or whatever. You should always have a conscience whenever you're doing something or asking something from them. No matter what. It's a lesson to be learned "
I guess I'm done writing for today, Well, I will update once I have an idea or probably after my first day of orientation at college.
Wish me luck!
Friday, March 20, 2009
I have ended my job as a ‘clerk’ today.
I was exceptionally excited because it was my last day of work. Went to work quite late but arrived early with the other employee’s.
Most of the time, I was just eating biscuits and drinking water from the pantry because some of my work was done by my replacement, and I bet she’ll do a wonderful job. Anyway, I didn’t have much work to submit today.
Well, I’ll miss the stupid jokes and office humours which can be quite vulgar.
Off to college life!
Anyways, I’ve decided that I want to stop learning French. Well I want to discontinue from their lessons because I think I have learnt enough to make a conversation. I realized I will be wasting my mothers money because I have no passion in learning deeper. Not grammatically but topics discussing. The topics are too deep. Politics? History? Well it’s quite interesting but not when you’re mind is empty and your mouth will be just moving. It’s embarrassing actually.
I look like a doofus. I like French especially if you want to sound sexy (haha) or talk behind someone’s back or probably complimenting/ complaining someone in front of you.
I still have a plus point, which is that I have basic French communication skills. I can talk, but it also depends on the topic. Maybe a normal conversation is quite possible.
It’s like a dread whenever It’s a Saturday, I’ll be so lifeless. It’ll take half a day.
I won’t have time for my friends.
Oh française est trés imposible!
I don’t have much to say and I want to change my clothes and sleep. My eyes are forcing my eyelids to close shut.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Well SPM results were out last Wednesday. I wouldn't say mine is stop notch, but I might say that I'm quite satisfied.
I got 1 A1 , 3 B3 , 4 B4 , 3 C5.
Imagine that, my lowest is a C. I thought I'd be getting G's.
I've never gotten that many B's in my life. What I was worried was that, I was afraid I wouldn't pass my colleges qualifications. I've gotten credits for ALL my subjects, so my education is quite bright.
SPM is actually the stepping stone to college or university, so by getting the results that you have obtained, it shows that, you are qualified to do whatever course you're taking.
I just need 3 credits plus English. So, that's no sweat. ;)
I was born average and never above average, well not when it comes to exams.
I can't cope with stress,
Nevertheless, you still have to work hard and never give up. You'd never know that maybe you'll get scholarships and not use your parents money. I would love that, but with those results, I doubt that.
Or maybe you'll get offers to those really good colleges.
All I can say is that, I'm satisfied and happy with what I got.
I realized in general, everyone has an " A syndrome"
Everyone will ask "How many A's did you get?" and not often "What did you get?" question.
For me of course, when i say 1 A. I bet they'll just look at me or stare. I don't know.
Sometimes, it's not JUST the A.
I'm not saying don't get that many A's but for people like me, I feel very pressured not getting those many A's.
Anyways, I need a bath, my body feels so sore, and study a lil' bit of french.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I may had made simple things become complicated.
I can't control my emotions or actions,
which is a danger to people who are close,
I can't explain what is inside,
For even I cannot understand,
A hundred apologies won't take me far,
Believing in myself won't give me a scar,
I would understand if things go wrong,
My conscience is making me think,
Managing myself could probably take some time,
I know it means being alone and all by myself,
Physically I may look normal,
But they're wrong because it's an illusion,
I am true to myself,
but there are times when I keep it quiet even I won't know what to say,
I stay secluded and unharmed, not contacting the outside world,
And hope for peace and serenity,
I'm feeling mentally nauseous it makes me sick,
I have so many questions in my head,
but none of them have been answered,
I realize that it will never be the right response,
and I will never be satisfied.
** Things haven't been satisfactory.
I feel so upset. One thing can damage everything. I could actually be emotionally unstable. I feel like shit.
Monday, March 2, 2009
OUH! I am NOT satisfied with Malaysians road structure. It was built with brainless effort.
On the way, we missed the junction going to Kajang/Kuala Lumpur, instead we went straight to Putrajaya. Most people said there was a way to IOI from Putrajaya, but they didn't say it was THAT far. So we made a couple of turns. A COUPLE of turns. -.-
Which I think was about more than 6 because of the badly planned roads.
You're driving nicely along the road towards Putrajaya and there aren't that many cars on the road. You were driving at about 80/90 Km/H
"Ouh, what a nice day.. Hmmm where's the Signboard to Kajang/Kuala Lumpur? I think I'm lost"
You made about 5 trips to Putrajaya. Going in and out.
"I can't find the Freaking Bloody Signboard!"
When suddenly, you saw a few signboards to Kajang/Kuala Lumpur and started following that path. You were quite happy and said.
"Hey! I'm not lost!"
Ouh boy, were you wrong. You know why? You missed the junction TO IOI Resort because they placed the Signboard right at the corner of the junction written in dark blue font hidden behind a small bush, and I said:
" Why the hell did they put the Signboard there?!"
And of course, I made another big round in and out of Putrajaya.
Can you picture my frustration? I think I turned red.
It took me about 3 hours on the road. 3 HOURS.
So you tell me? Shouldn't roads be convenient?
I think I wasted gas, and Honda's consume gas.
Anyways, enough about stupid roads.
I will state here, THAT: I am displeased with the amount money that I'm getting every month.
I'm getting a lump sum of Rm400 a month. Rm400!
I won't complain if I don't do S**T at work and get that much, but I'm working as if I'm a trainee. I make quotations, even talk to some of the clients or talk to some of the suppliers.
Sometimes I think, I'm not suited with that kind of work.
I imagined myself, JUST photostatting, fax, scan, give out memo's or even just organizing the files.
I feel like I've been taken for granted.
Well, all I'm thinking is that; it's the experience that counts. I need to add some information to my resume.
So I can't complain there huh?
I have more to say; If I'm unlucky which I hope I'm not.
Any staff from my workplace will start gossiping on what I wrote.
That will be the end of the world for me.
Sooooo... before my fingers start typing God knows what, I better stop.