Useless piece of crap

I'm starting to get worried for myself. I'm not sure.
Recently I've been vomiting after my dinner. What is happening to me? I wouldn't say I'm bulimic.
I didn't gag myself. I'm against with the whole bulimic-stick-in-your-throat-gagging-till-your-stick-thin.
I don't know.

Plus..

You know those small talks THEY give. After you did something wrong. THEY gave me the talk; and now i have a low-self esteem.
Generally I'm a useless, weak, stupid, naive girl my mother thinks well actually; it's my sister.
What kind of talk is that.
My sister is useless. What is wrong with her.

Teens. ouh please.

Materialistic things aren't important, unless you work with a fashion magazine or whatever; but still! There are other things in life, which should be focused ON. I have a group of friends, which are acting like some grown adult; but still thinks like a child. Competing each other, with their clothes, the accessories, the face complexion, the body, the face. ENOUGH! ok. It's annoying. Doesn't it occur to you that, there are kids dying, trying to get FOOD, or CLOTHES. you spent a whole lot of money for all those crap. You could have spend it on donations. At least you dapat pahala. Which is counted when you die. Don't you have a sense of generosity.

I can't explain why girls around my age, preteens. Go out with people they don't know. Plus, they are not raised in the city. They would be willingly enough to go out and get attention from people they don't know. They are still naive no matter how old they are. I would even consider MYself as a naive girl. She doesn't have enough knowledge to protect herself. She could end up regretting, and live in a life of lies. I'm worried. She's like my little sister. I wouldn't want anything to happen to her.

Well that's it for now. ;)

Regrets

Tears rolling through my cheeks,
My heart beating so fast,
The feeling of doubt possibly conquering my mind,
Till everything is a blur,
My mind feels guilty ,
Which is the cause of assumption,
My stomach tied in knots,
Not able to breath ,
I could say dealing with a problem of mistreating someone,
I may be wrong,
But It's related to feelings of a person I care,
I don't know where to start,
How to say sorry,
But my selfishness is hoping not to get scolded like hell,
I earned it and I should face the truth,
Giving the silent treatment is not the answer,
Making me feel uncomfortable around you,
Not able to say anything,
I wish time could rewind ,
Like a small remote control,
But what has been done is done,
I prayed to god to make the day cheerful,
But I have a feeling it won't really happen,
Well my instincts say it is,
Why must I not act responsibly ,
I know she's worried,
And I understand,
And I know I did wrong,
Just shut up and listen.

Evil Spending.

Money is a crucial element in life; but it can make you selfish and egoistic. Of course everyone wants to spend on a few things, but you have to balance yourself and realize spending can be evil. When you have financial problems, you should get help fast; but most of them are too proud, they still continue with their stupid habits. You effect people around you and add more problems to yourself. It sucks ok! Especially if your related to that person. It emotionally hurts to hear that from your own relative. It can be the pain in the ass but sometimes you have the urge to help, but you know you can't. Firstly, you have a family to take care of. Secondly, We're not rich. Thirdly, it's a bit too much to give. Fourthly, ok theres no four; but i think thats enough reasons.
You should find financial help. seriously. You have relatives that can help your financial problems.
But don't go asking for more money. We care. :)

Normal problems; Normal teenage girl.

I have so many issues; I don't know where to begin.
Although, my problems aren't serious.
I don't like keeping it in my head. Okay;
I have friends which are really materialistic, I mean hey! thats normal for a teenage girl in this century. But, I can't bring myself to tell them to stop competing against each other. Whose nicer, whose cooler, whose more fashionable, whose more pretty. STOP it! it's stupid and annoying. Ok i won't mind if you do it amongst yourself, but you are effecting other people. You even try competing with me. Like wth? I'm pulled into your problem; and I get so engrossed with it. I regret doing all the crap that i have done or said anything stupid. I'm not blaming you 100%, i'm also blaming myself. Just stop it, please.

Another problem, It's like any other problem, a teenage girl is going through;
I know I'm infatuated with this guy but I give up very easily. Plus, I'm sensitive too. I walked home with this guy i liked and i thought it went well; but to think of it. I didn't really talk much cause his friend was there. I was shy, thats my problem. I can't overcome my shyness. I like talking to him. Okay, after that; I said thank you, but he didn't reply. I'm worried if i sounded desperate or whatever. I'm not; f.y.i. I can't control myself sometimes. I'm confusing myself. Sometimes, i ask myself to not talk to him cause it will sound that i am desperate; and then, i'll say talk to him, cause then i'll lose him and i wasted my opportunity. So wth am i supposed to do!
Other than that, It's possible if a guy likes a girl even though she has a boyfriend, but he won't do anything, until they break up. I mean it is possible. He is close to my friend which is also his friend. My friend is with my crushes friend. So my crush is friends with both of them. Maybe i'm making you more confused. Other than that, She likes talking to him, and she is closer to him. Which makes me jealous. I won't say anything, of course; i won't pick a guy over a friend.

My other friends aren't comfortable with my other friends. Which makes me stuck in between. I make myself stressed out. I don't like it. I wonder if i suddenly be lonely. With no friends. I think I'll die. The things i talk about is just me stressed out; being pessimistic.

I have more to talk about. But those were the main problems in my head.

Oh life can be strange
Good and bad in so many ways
And in time you will find
That things are not always what they seem

Well i've got something to say
But you might laugh, joke or run away
Coz i'm awkward and nervous
Sometimes i dont say much at all

But if the rain must fall
If i lose it all
If the world comes down and takes my soul
If the sky turns black
And theres no no way back
It won't matter much to me
If i had you
All i need is your love
That's all i need
All i need is your love

Oh well dreams can come true
if you know inside you really want them to or you can sit you can wait
You can leave your fate in someone elses hands
Oh but I, I want you
And nothing else can make me feel the way you do
So i'm waiting, i'm wishing
That it's me you'll be holding tonight and every night

This song makes my body tingle. It's so sweet, and it calms you down. Hope everyone likes it. :)

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

A classic! Nice song for a stressful day. ;)

Bazaar Jelly

This was the most colourful jelly i have ever seen, and its quite nice actually. This jelly people; was shown in the newspaper. It attracted my attention and my mom as well. We went straight to the bazaar at bangsar after asar prayers. We went puasa shopping and i can say we were 'rambang mata'. We bought nasi beriani gam, nasi ayam berempah, sotong and ikan pari bakar, and ouh yes, the jelly. The food was somehow, very delicious and way better than the food at the bazaar at TTDI. I was satisfied with the food i bought, and the bazaar was worth going too.

Music

Music is a general interest. My taste of music is quite different unlike other teenagers. Sort of, but It's not like I'm the only one listening to it, there are other people like me. I don't really care what other people think. For me, good music consists of melodious tunes and generally when you listen to it, it's like every note is telling you a story and you start having goosebumps. I like different genre's but I wouldn't say I'm universal cause I don't like every single type of genre. Frankly, I really like classical, jazz, oldies, you can say very nostalgic tunes, and recently I like indie music well, indie rock music. I'm offended if some immature person criticizes the music I listen too. They would say 'orang tua dengar lagu chum ni' or 'omg! Giler lama lagu ni' or just giving me a disgusted sound. Like Fuck off lah, respect the music. Have I ever offended you like that? These music is what I call 'good music'. I mean jazz, classical and stuff. I'm a very 'melody' person; like listening to instruments; that's why I like indie rock plus it's not commercial. Even though I like listen to these music I can still appreciate other genre's. Like I can appreciate trance, screamo or whatever, R&B, I'm not really into those commercial music, I can listen to a few but I'm not in love with those songs. To me, I just think commercial music sounds all the same, but I hate bands or singers that sound nasal and poser looking and talking crap when their singing, disrespecting other people, and etc etc… no offence if you like it, but I'm not interested, cause they just suck. Now days I can't tune in the radio and listen to something I like, it's very rare if I did.

The Friend

Today wasn’t really what I expected. I thought I could study and learn something in peace, but the problem is I have friends that are very selfish and very self- absorbed. She brags a lot, and complains too much plus, she criticizes everything. Although , she IS a good person to talk to when you have boyfriend issues; she gives quite good advice, well through my observation. I don’t have a boyfriend but almost all my friends have one. So they have problems and stuff and she gives good advice, but she doesn’t use it for herself, she has bf issues as well. She doesn’t understand that other people have feelings. She blurts it out as if people won’t care. She would ‘kutuk’ everyone especially the boys in my class. Plus their obsessed with status. She expects everyone to be cool or whatever. It’s annoying; I get the blame as well because I’m in the group. She can’t shut her mouth and it hurts when she says something. She doesn’t learn. I’ve told her to stop a few times but she won’t accept the fact that people won’t listen to her. I was very discontent and irritated today. She bosses people around telling people to stop studying or telling people to take something for her or telling one of us to follow her somewhere and we’ll get into trouble and we’ll be sent to the bilik discipline. Like can you be independent and not boss people around. It could effect us one day; it’s annoying! I’m upset cause she’s my friend and I wouldn’t want something to happen to her but she asked for it. She likes to ‘cari pasal’ with people, come on people have other things to worry about and I don’t think they would want to add you in their list.
Get your priorities straight woman!

coldplay : clocks

coldplay:clocks
I'm addicted to this song. Well even though it's very old, but i don't give a damn.

complains complains complains.

Time passes faster and faster every year. It’s almost October and I feel as if 2007 just started. I remember entering form 4 and the teachers assigning each and every student to their new classes. I’m already doing my year end exam and SPM is getting closer and closer. It’s kinda scary when you think about it that way. And it doesn’t feel like the fasting month and Raya is so close. Usually my year end exam would be before Raya, but the teachers are making us sit for our exams before and after Raya. I can’t enjoy celebrating Raya even though I’m celebrating it here in Kuala Lumpur. I have to study and the teachers gave us the schedule and all the paper 2 science papers are before Raya and I’ve only started studying subjects which are after Raya. I regret not studying earlier but somehow if I do, I can’t concentrate. I’m just mental I guess.

My goosebumps are tingling. I’m so scared and hungry. I hate school, I feel so stressed and I can’t give my own opinion when I’m at school. They are so narrow minded. I’m not saying all schools are like that. It’s not that bad actually, but I just get so mentally psychotic when I’m at school. Some of them like finding trouble and blaming other students for the most stupidest reasons. They just can’t give a straight direct answer why can’t you just admit that you honestly don’t like him/her. It’s distracting enough when you call that person again and again. Those prefects; seriously I feel like cutting their throats. They just can’t shut up babbling; I’m not dumb Ok. And they like to blame for the stupidest reasons too. Some of them are like sweet little innocent perfect too shoes. Such a poser. Your not being honest to yourself. Idiot. I have realized that I really like complaining, but it feels good; once in a while. Well it’s 11.47pm and I better rest I want to wake up early in the morning to study.

Newbie

Honestly, this is the first time I'm writing a blog using blogger, I usually use 'Myspace' blog but no one really reads it. I wouldn't say my English is fantastic, but I'm trying.I have my opinions, which are acceptable i think. I have normal problems like school, friends, teachers, family, and the list goes on. Well I'll post more later. So see ya!