Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thoughts of the day

It's been a while, hasn't it?
Well I'll be attending Taylors College soon, as in next week, Monday.
I'm nervous & excited at the same time. I'll probably be by myself, for a certain period of time.
All I'm thinking is that, I'm better at designing than anyone there and I want to beat the crap out of them and ace everything. It 'could' happen. I don't know, or maybe not.
I really need to look good before I go, I need to buy a bag to put all my books and stationary. I need a haircut, I feel like a pontianak, my hair is almost touching my butt.
I need to get new tops because I'm so sick of wearing the same tops over and over again.
I need new flats, mine looks like my cat chewed off the front part of the shoe. Which is partially true.

Anyways, I've talked to my mom about stopping french class. It didn't work. I hate forcing myself learning something I don't like. To think about it, I'm not really learning half way. I have finished learning the basics, and that's ENOUGH. I'm just learning topics, which is really not relevant for ME. I'm not participating in any french politics, or learning business in France. The fee's are expensive, and she is willing to spend that amount of money, for nothing. Probably, if I were to write my CV, I could include french as a language that I can speak. Well, I CAN put that, but she still wants me to continue till advanced.
I can't stand it anymore. It's a bore for me whenever it's a Saturday. Opinions? I really want to give as much excuses to STOP.

Yesterday was emotionally challenging for me. It's a case of wrong timing.
The story goes like this:
I slept quite late the night before yesterday, so logically I had a tough time waking up.
My mother, woke me up so I could join her for a walk at the hill. I did say, "5 minutes".
Then, after 5 minutes, I stretched and stretched and sat on the bed looking blur and quite disoriented. I couldn't tell time at the clock because the lines looked fuzzy, so instead I took my phone and checked, at the same time, I wanted to disable the alarm clock.
Right after that, my mom was angry because I didn't move from the bed and she went down.
That woke me up right away, and I opened the door with my shorts and shirt, seeing if my mom was still angry. I had to decide whether to go down and join my mother or to go back up and sleep.
Stupid of me, I went back up and listened to some music while laying in bed. (I had my reasons)
I heard the gate closing and my mom text-ed me saying that, she was disappointed, and she couldn't belief her own daughter would do that.
After my father passed away 10 years ago, I had a closer bond with my mother because part of the reason why she stopped working and sacrificed that life is because she wanted to take care of me and the family. I was only 8 at that time and I had to grow up without a father.
My mom, has a strong will, and I know she tries her best to take care of her family.
Anyways, she was hurt, I could tell. After that, I apologized and changed my clothes and ran out to go meet my mother, although she was almost done. I walked all the way from my house to the hill. My mom still text-ed me to tell me that I was wasting my time chasing her.
I was stubborn and I ran faster to the hill. When I arrived, she was already in the car. I went in and apologized more, because I had a very dirty conscience. I tried and tried but she was still disappointed. After eating breakfast with her, I followed her wherever she went and helped anything necessary (clean the dishes, wash the clothes, hang the clothes to dry, carry the dry hanger outside the house)
JUST to make her happy.
Before that, she said a couple of things I couldn't bare hearing.
She wanted to be out of my life, because she assumed that, that was what I want. Which is OUT OF THE PICTURE. That is the last thing, not even last. Not even IN my list. I couldn't belief that came out of her mouth.
Like I said before, she is the only one that I have and I wouldn't know how to survive if she's not beside me. She is my backbone, she is what made me for who I am (the good side of course)
I don't know, that made me emotionally unbalanced.
There are other things that she said, but I don't think it's suitable to tell it in public.
Well, I have to be careful, with what I say and do.
I should, Help her more often, talk to her, be with her if she needs anything.

" This is not just for me, this is for ANYONE & EVERYONE . Your mother should be respected and be taken care of. Don't ever take your mother or father for granted, they love you even if they beat you up or whatever. You should always have a conscience whenever you're doing something or asking something from them. No matter what. It's a lesson to be learned "

I guess I'm done writing for today, Well, I will update once I have an idea or probably after my first day of orientation at college.

Wish me luck!

Toodles :)

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