Selamat Hari Merdeka!

Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!

I wish you all a Happy Merdeka.
It has been 51 years of independence.

Again, Selamat hari merdeka. :D

A little history about Malaysia and how it BECAME what it is today:
Merdeka!

MEN

Egoistic men seem to not understand the art of respecting women. They take women for granted and the only thing that would make them satisfied is physical appearance. It sounds revolting and outright brainless. I don’t know why they find that so entertaining. “Most” men seem to think things in a one-dimensional perspective when it comes to girls or women. I think sometimes guys don’t take the situation seriously. It’s as if girls are treated like a piece of meat. Not to be sexist, it’s not fair for us girls to be treated in such a way. It’s degrading. Girls should be treated equally with at least a bit of respect. Well I probably understand that men mature slowly and that is probably the reason why. Some guys respect women. What I think is that guys that respect their mothers would probably respect girls that are around them. Well I know some guys that are like that; but some of them of course are influenced by friends that brainwash them to not respect girls.

I can’t be choosy obviously. I’ll eventually end up with someone like that; but what are we to do. Guys only have one desire. Unlike girls we have many; but you see some girls can control their desire. Guys only have one and they tend to concentrate on that. That “one” desire can be used properly. Apparently, most guys abuse the one desire that they have.

Sometimes when I dress up just for that one guy, I would have to think again. This Is because I won’t know if he’ll admire me because of my looks OR because of what’s inside. So guys have to think about that. It’s better looking at a girls inner self, not outer.

I know that all this it’s as if I’m generalizing men; but some of you guys have to admit it’s true. Of course there are girls that treat guys like shit; but I’m just writing my point of view.

No intentions to demean men.

This is called a list of what i'm thinking:

1. I am actually 17 years old.
2. SPM is another few more months < 5
3. Trials is another 20 days
4. Honestly, I have 2 strands of 'grey' hair
5. I'm going to college soon
5. PLKN
6. Friend being obsessed with another gender
7. My mom not paying for my college fee if i mess up one sem (cause of my brother)
8. The price of gas
9. Me not being able to drive because of the price of gas
10. Me not being able to wear some clothes that i want to wear
11. Friends that i see (almost) everyday at school
12. Grilled salmon
13. Prom night
14. What song am i gonna play for prom night
15. The price of my dress well my outfit
16. The bulge that i have in the middle section of my body
17. The song that I am listening too is quite interesting
18. Wondering how minestrone dump soup would taste like
19. My hair
20. The Olympics
21. People with nice hair walking around like they're all that.
22. Amelie
23. Should i eat koko krunch or not.
24. Why do people refer 'speaking' means talking in english
25. Can i play the guitar like john mayer
26. The trip to the salon today
27. Rockband
28. I have to sing during prom night
29. This list is BORING
30. I'm lazy

PLKN

AAaaaaah! Nightmare after SPM. We, students of 2008 will be sent to PLKN. The results came out yesterday and luckily I didn't get in. BUT I'm not sure. It's possible if they send me for the second or third batch. DAMMNIT! i'll have to post pone my college. PLKN is a waste of time and my college will be held back. All you do is marching, playing ping pong, shooting and etc... I can do better things than all that for 3 months. My education will be delayed for 3 months! How Inconsiderate are they. I don't understand the governments aim towards students like us, to go for useless camps and so on. They randomly choose a few students from each school but 'anak menteri' is an exeption, THEY of ALL people should go. It's truly not fair. We have a future and it does not include PLKN. I am not pleased at all. Although I wasn't chosen but there is a possibllity for them to choose me for the other batches. There have been cases that girls were raped and one of them was paralised for doing 50 push ups. How insensitive they are, it's not like the government will care.

As for now, I wasn't accepted in but I must not put my hopes to high.

This content lady here is my grandma, she is about 70 plus and her name is Aminah.
Recently, she suffered from a heart attack and about 90% of her three heart vessels we're blocked. She had to go through an operation and they used veins from her feet, she survived; alhamdulillah. Most women around her age with that situation wouldn't have survived.
Her courage was extraordinary and her spirit was so high.

This should be an example to most girls or women. If you do anything with a high spirit
we can achieve things without us even noticing. We don't realize whenever we try to accomplish things, we tend to give up half way because of being pessimistic. Well I'm like that. Probably some girls or guys don't have that problem, but I know like me; does.

If we think things in a more positive direction it is possible for us to do things and accomplish it.
She gave me thought and I have been pessimistic lately and it hasn't help me at all with anything.

This is just a theory, but it is possible.

Something old

A wilted rose petal falling to the ground,
Waiting for a tree to grow,
Wanting for a flower to blossom,
The grief of many people wanting for so many actions to happen,
Gives disappointment to others,
Yet for the sun to rise,
Waits for no other,
Like a sorrow flying in the sky,
Flying for freedom and peace,
The space for tranquility seldom happens,
A person cannot wait for such behavior,
To come at such petty pace,
Patience is a virtue,
Which statement is exceptionally true,
The benefit that lies ahead,
Would be often appreciated,
Of my despair and hope,
Cannot stand by itself for long,
As the water leaks through the roof of a home,
I give my respect for such opinions,
But I have an opinion of my own,
Waiting for a hail storm to happen,
Is not such a pretty sight,
From Mother Nature,
A miracle that could happen upon two genders of a kind,
Gives life to death itself.

Going back to 08/08/08

I wonder what my life would be like after school. First and foremost I’ll be so damn bored eventually, I’d probably have to find a part time job somewhere to earn a little bit of cash, I’d go out a lot. I would be able to drive around by myself. I bet I’ll feel lost all of the sudden. All this while I’ve been a school girl going to school at 7.10am waking up pagi subuh and wearing my school uniform and wasting my time during assembly listening to the teacher crapping about cleanliness ,academic standards in Malaysia, Oooh and plus the competition that we are forced to participate just to ‘harumkan’ nama sekolah.

I won’t be able to experience another few more years doing all those stuff.

It’s scary I’m a few more steps closer to the real world. I will miss school. Gosh..

Anyhow, I made myself in deeeeep trouble yesterday, sigh I regret doing it. It was such a small matter yet my mom was pissed off and she was extremely furious at me. This is one of my few mistakes that I regret making. I hate making my mom pissed off and disappointed. However, she’s cooling herself down, she’s talking to me like as if nothing happened. Well I promised not doing it again, and I really mean it. She looked like she wanted to bash me with a hammer ; something I wouldn’t want to go through again.

My trial exams starts next month. I’m not ready. :S

Well off to my French class. Dangg, I feel so lazy.

I do have this urge to try to look skinny sometimes. Sometimes it’s sort of tempting. Quite bizarre like eating popcorns with chili sauce; I actually tried it once, it doesn’t taste disgusting, ok back to the point.

I yearn for a smaller body, cause I mean I have the biggest butt, thighs, hips, you name it. Embarrassing. When I look at those models, celebrities whoever, I get so invidious until I make myself insecure. OK, those people whom I just stated are obligated to do so, cause they are exposed by media and crap.

Just to state a point, having smaller bodies has a LOT of advantages. We can fit through holes and all; ok NO but more clothes to wear less cloth to put on you know? Of course, people say be comfortable with your own body, but it’s so complicated. I can wear some outfits that probably can compliment my figure. However, not that many choices; it’s not fair. When I read magazines or read blogs or whatever I get inspired to try new clothes and buy them but I can’t cause either they don’t fit OR they look so hideous on me(cause of my big body and height) I don’t mind my height I can live with that and also, there aren’t many taller men now; They’ve grown to be short.

Then again, no offence to some people, being stick stick stick thin with NO shape really looks weird and creepy. If they wear layers and add a bit of pounds they look fine; but those who show their bony stick figure shape look sickly; but I know some of them have no choice cause of their metabolism.

In other words, everybody has their own shape and some of them are proud having a body like that, but people like me tend to get a bit sensitive with what they have. I can do something about it, but it takes time.

Sigh…..

Thinking thinking?

This lady here is an inspiration to most women, child,girl, mother , etc..
Audrey Kathleen Ruston known as Audrey Hepburn. Born in a month of May .
She was the ambassador for UNICEF.
She could portray her character so well. Somehow she gives me hope and enough opportunity for life.
I wouldn't say she had a perfect life, obviously she had her ups and downs; she's human.

Lesson learned, whenever we condemn people we know or don't know will eventually hit us back in the future. It's like karma you know? In akhirat every bad intentions will be shown to the public and we will be humiliated in front of others that we don't know of. Humans are humans but we can't make that as an excuse to mess things up. We should realize what is right and what is wrong. It's hard, I am slowly reinventing myself to becoming a better person. Yet the mistakes that i have done are irreversible.

Audrey Hepburn is an inspiration cause she had so much optimism in her and she never loosed hope and did whatever she wanted to do.

Who wouldn't?

4 O'clock

Gaaaaaaaaaaah! I want that hair. S'il vous plait? One day. But i'm wondering. "Will I look smokin hot?" :P

Other issues, I've been having weird and confusing situations. I can't really describe. It's like two emotions smacked your face at once. How is that possible? Life is confusing; you have no choice.

SPM is so close, OMG I'm so scared I have so many things to do, but so little time. 3 Months and 1 Month to trials :S S**T damn it, I don't think i'm ready. Too many things to read, I regret not studying earlier. I've been procrastinating a lot.

I haven't decided what i want in the future. Graphics is actually really interesting, but again I'm into the environment but i need to ace on my science subs which is really hard. haiya, so complicated. Why can't i rewind and STOP; take my time and reminisce.
Well off to the table of doom, I need to study. :)