12:06 am

Why is it that,
Si I've been giving hope then not fulfilling it; I will realize straight away and I will feel TRES TRES guilty?
mais if it's another person, somehow they'll react the total opposite.
Maybe my manses is coming or something cause I feel like merdre.
Easily annoyed, insecure, stressed out, frustrated, not satisfied etc...
About what I said, I think ce n'est pas juste.
I get annoyed so easily if plans are canceled or promises aren't fulfilled ou my hopes are crushed with stupid and LAME excuses.
So yeah..... -.-

Anyways,
I had a talk with my aunty and we were talking about socializing, friends, boyfriend.......
It was quite uncomfortable for me cause she was talking to me as if I were a 5 year old ok maybe not THAT young; probably 13.
I'm in college and I know how to take care of myself. I'm not stupid. Friends influencing you to smoke or drink or take drugs; it's actually all up to you. Only if you have will power to say "NO"
In Malaysia, (not that I want to degrade my country) Loads and loads of teenagers or even adults for the matter in whatever religion; drink alcohol, take drugs, have open sex etc...
Well of course it's morally wrong, but it's not like most of them don't know the consequences.
Bien sur, they'll be ashamed (or not, depends on the person) but all friends or family or school/college mates can only give advice.
They have conscience to think.
Back to what my aunty said.. I didn't have a chance to speak up.
I respect her point of view, but her facts are only based on television and metro...
It's not true that, a person that drinks alcohol will sabatoge his/her friends that don't drink alcohol.
I have friends that drink, but they have never forced me to drink; because I know they respect me.
So far, I've never known anyone taking drugs but It's relevant to the statement I've just writtin up there.
It's also true that, friends can influence, but like I said IF you have the will power to say "NO", you'll be smart enough to not do any of those things.
You have to be careful no matter what, but you shouldn't judge those that do those things and say that they'll sabatoge whoever they think are better than them.
Not ALL of them are like that.
I know it's wrong, but I'm just stating my OWN point of view.
They should learn that it's dangerous and they should stop, but that's all I can say and do.
It's always up to them.

Ouh, and she was talking about her daughter's Ex-boyfriend.
My aunty used to like him because he helped a lot for the family and became close.
but that was before my aunty knew what he did behind her back, she digged for more information about him because she was concerned for her daughter (I respect that)
I felt uncomfortable, because It's quite weird for me. Imagine your mother digging for information about your boyfriend.
Mais, The things she told me was beyond jaw-dropping.
I was really shocked that he would do such a thing. I was scared and insecure right after she told me.
Mais, even though finding the truth hurts but I would prefer that I found out by myself without anyones help.
I know I'll be depressed and TRES triste but it's better that way. You can have your own privacy non?
Seriously, after she told me my heart literally skipped a beat. I was really insecure, I still am actually.

Well enough babbling, I need to finnish my sketching.

Toodles :)

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Hola!

"I just find this picture entertaining." ;p
But what doesss make a man tick? O.o

Salut!

Finally after weeks of not posting anything, I am posting something now. :D
hahahah

Wokaaaaaay, moving on....
Lets see,
Assignments : As tall as a mountain
Total Absolute 'free' time : Nil
Friends: GREAT
College: Fun
Life:Quite blahh
Boyfriend: Formidable! :D

That sort of sums up 'some' things that I want to say. Ok to tell you in a loooooong and boring way:

Its been 5 weeks in college. Le temps passe vite, oui?
I remember it being the first day of college
Effrayant, but ended up great. The people are friendly and they are willing to layan my wackiness.
So far, I've had/have tonnes and TONNES of assignments and projects, c'est LOUF.
My classmates are really fun, everybody has their own thing to do. Friends are great too.
Since college, I have developed skills playing Pool and Foosball, but I still suck.
The lecturers are actually nice and really good.
My fundamental drawing lecturer told us that, there will be a field trip to I don't know where. He's still thinking, but he kept repeating Hong Kong, peut-être. Well I'm happy with ANYTHING. As long as it's educational and fun and not that hard for muslims, I wouldn't mind. It would be like a 5 day thing.
I told my mom and she agreed, so yay! I can't wait really. I've never been out of the country without my mom. It'll be weird though, but fun experience.

Ok.. going on.....
Yesterday, was my nieces birthday party. Her name is Safiya, the most CUTEST, ADORABLE, SMART little girl EVER. Gravement...
Her birthday was on the 21st of April, but everyone was busy during that time. Soooo, instead we celebrated it yesterday.
Habituellement, I'll be with my boyfriend on Sundays. So, he was forced to come to the party yesterday. ;p
He was nervous because most of my family members were there.
They were nice to greet him and smile and all. Wasn't all that scary..
My sister started bossing him already ahah, so well.. He is officially welcomed :p
OUH! I was so happy because he made a mix cd for me and it was the most sweetest gift ever.
I started being so jiwang and cried.

I won't tell you the tracks in the cd but I'm stuck listening to this ONE song. The lyrics are beyond formidable. C'est vraiment touchant

I'm gonna be the love that's gonna last
And be the one that got your back
Ain't nothing ever that bad that we won't be together
And though we both made our mistakes
And some we never wish we made
But we'll be okay if we just stay together

How can I NOT be jiwang. I'll have to admit, I've listened to that song quite numerous of times already and Je ne suis pas soin :)

Insyallah, I hope we'll be together for a long time. Time will tell.. time will tell.

I've always heard that, MOST girlfriends or boyfriends usually will control the opposites.
Par example;
- She won't let him be friends with his OWN friends.
- Never let her go out anywhere
- Call every second to know EXACTLY what she's doing
- Be so emotional when not being acknowledged even for just a second for understanding reasons

Well there's more, but you know what I mean.
I'm not saying that I'm très parfait, of course not, but there's always the term 'space' or 'understanding'.
I just pity those that break up for those stupidest reasons. They can work it out if both of them are understanding and trusting. They should compliment each other :)
Okk, I guess I'm crapping...
Moving on,

Metaphorically,
A parasite is living on your head WITHOUT your permission and takes your blood, living on your head and making your life a living hell.

Question: Wouldn't you be annoyed?

I would.

As in literally, If someone stayed in your house without permission and takes your toiletries, food, clothes and of course accessibility at your own home ; wouldn't you be annoyed.
Plus, never acknowledging anyone at home, doing they're own thing.
It's rude and I think that certain person is taking to his/her advantages.
It's not fair to the owner of the house wouldn't it?
Like I said, it's like a parasite.
Logically, people wouldn't want to lose their dignity and would want to try to earn a living not depend on other peoples houses.
It's quite disappointing really.

Well I guess that's enough writing for today. I'll continue another day ( I don't know when that'll be)

So long,
Toodles :)

Artline

Bonsoir people!
I promised for an update weeks ago, but never did anything.
Anywayyyyyyys, I've been wanting to take pictures of my new hair, but now it looks really unkempt and the red is slowly fading away :(
Well, soon hopefully. I've been occupied with assignments and college projects.
Fun actually. It's something different.
Met new friends, quirky, fun, funny bunch of people I might say. This would be my first semester. March - June.
I have 5 subjects till this June and I have only 2 final exams only :)
Which are Pengajian Malaysia and Technical English.
The rest are project based. Actually, that's more tough because I have to work hard for 12 weeks for each projects. Unlike final exams, you can 'sort of' study last minute but I mean you shouldn't do that.
Assignments are slowwly piling, scary really.
My brain is somehow not functioning right. I can't think of anything to write.
(That actually rhymed, ahah)
Anyhoo, I shall stop here and continue once my mind is flowing with words 'hopefully'

Toodles :)

*NEW

UPDATE

I have cut my hair, sort of medium length & coloured it red.
Well just one small streak, hiding behind my other black hair. The colour is AH-MAZINGLY nice.
You have to look closely though, cause it's hidden. I was just experimenting the colour.
It looks nice I tell you.
Probably in May, I think I want to colour my whole head red.
*winks

Well I shall take a photo and post it.
soon :D

Till then,

Toodles :)

Thoughts of the day

It's been a while, hasn't it?
Well I'll be attending Taylors College soon, as in next week, Monday.
I'm nervous & excited at the same time. I'll probably be by myself, for a certain period of time.
All I'm thinking is that, I'm better at designing than anyone there and I want to beat the crap out of them and ace everything. It 'could' happen. I don't know, or maybe not.
I really need to look good before I go, I need to buy a bag to put all my books and stationary. I need a haircut, I feel like a pontianak, my hair is almost touching my butt.
I need to get new tops because I'm so sick of wearing the same tops over and over again.
I need new flats, mine looks like my cat chewed off the front part of the shoe. Which is partially true.

Anyways, I've talked to my mom about stopping french class. It didn't work. I hate forcing myself learning something I don't like. To think about it, I'm not really learning half way. I have finished learning the basics, and that's ENOUGH. I'm just learning topics, which is really not relevant for ME. I'm not participating in any french politics, or learning business in France. The fee's are expensive, and she is willing to spend that amount of money, for nothing. Probably, if I were to write my CV, I could include french as a language that I can speak. Well, I CAN put that, but she still wants me to continue till advanced.
I can't stand it anymore. It's a bore for me whenever it's a Saturday. Opinions? I really want to give as much excuses to STOP.

Yesterday was emotionally challenging for me. It's a case of wrong timing.
The story goes like this:
I slept quite late the night before yesterday, so logically I had a tough time waking up.
My mother, woke me up so I could join her for a walk at the hill. I did say, "5 minutes".
Then, after 5 minutes, I stretched and stretched and sat on the bed looking blur and quite disoriented. I couldn't tell time at the clock because the lines looked fuzzy, so instead I took my phone and checked, at the same time, I wanted to disable the alarm clock.
Right after that, my mom was angry because I didn't move from the bed and she went down.
That woke me up right away, and I opened the door with my shorts and shirt, seeing if my mom was still angry. I had to decide whether to go down and join my mother or to go back up and sleep.
Stupid of me, I went back up and listened to some music while laying in bed. (I had my reasons)
I heard the gate closing and my mom text-ed me saying that, she was disappointed, and she couldn't belief her own daughter would do that.
After my father passed away 10 years ago, I had a closer bond with my mother because part of the reason why she stopped working and sacrificed that life is because she wanted to take care of me and the family. I was only 8 at that time and I had to grow up without a father.
My mom, has a strong will, and I know she tries her best to take care of her family.
Anyways, she was hurt, I could tell. After that, I apologized and changed my clothes and ran out to go meet my mother, although she was almost done. I walked all the way from my house to the hill. My mom still text-ed me to tell me that I was wasting my time chasing her.
I was stubborn and I ran faster to the hill. When I arrived, she was already in the car. I went in and apologized more, because I had a very dirty conscience. I tried and tried but she was still disappointed. After eating breakfast with her, I followed her wherever she went and helped anything necessary (clean the dishes, wash the clothes, hang the clothes to dry, carry the dry hanger outside the house)
JUST to make her happy.
Before that, she said a couple of things I couldn't bare hearing.
She wanted to be out of my life, because she assumed that, that was what I want. Which is OUT OF THE PICTURE. That is the last thing, not even last. Not even IN my list. I couldn't belief that came out of her mouth.
Like I said before, she is the only one that I have and I wouldn't know how to survive if she's not beside me. She is my backbone, she is what made me for who I am (the good side of course)
I don't know, that made me emotionally unbalanced.
There are other things that she said, but I don't think it's suitable to tell it in public.
Well, I have to be careful, with what I say and do.
I should, Help her more often, talk to her, be with her if she needs anything.

" This is not just for me, this is for ANYONE & EVERYONE . Your mother should be respected and be taken care of. Don't ever take your mother or father for granted, they love you even if they beat you up or whatever. You should always have a conscience whenever you're doing something or asking something from them. No matter what. It's a lesson to be learned "

I guess I'm done writing for today, Well, I will update once I have an idea or probably after my first day of orientation at college.

Wish me luck!

Toodles :)

The End

I have ended my job as a ‘clerk’ today.

I was exceptionally excited because it was my last day of work. Went to work quite late but arrived early with the other employee’s.

Most of the time, I was just eating biscuits and drinking water from the pantry because some of my work was done by my replacement, and I bet she’ll do a wonderful job. Anyway, I didn’t have much work to submit today.

Well, I’ll miss the stupid jokes and office humours which can be quite vulgar.

Off to college life!

Anyways, I’ve decided that I want to stop learning French. Well I want to discontinue from their lessons because I think I have learnt enough to make a conversation. I realized I will be wasting my mothers money because I have no passion in learning deeper. Not grammatically but topics discussing. The topics are too deep. Politics? History? Well it’s quite interesting but not when you’re mind is empty and your mouth will be just moving. It’s embarrassing actually.

I look like a doofus. I like French especially if you want to sound sexy (haha) or talk behind someone’s back or probably complimenting/ complaining someone in front of you.

I still have a plus point, which is that I have basic French communication skills. I can talk, but it also depends on the topic. Maybe a normal conversation is quite possible.

It’s like a dread whenever It’s a Saturday, I’ll be so lifeless. It’ll take half a day.

I won’t have time for my friends.

Oh française est trés imposible!

I don’t have much to say and I want to change my clothes and sleep. My eyes are forcing my eyelids to close shut.

So,

Toodles :)