squirt that brain juice

Hello people,

Basically now, I'm having my "so called" 6 months break and I am turning into a lazy bum. (whenever I think of the word lazy bum, an english accent would pop up in my head suddenly) Anyways, I've been browsing through blogs from other bloggers and I am of course more than inspired to do something similar but I don't know where to start how to manage my work. Sort of a lifestyle/outfit/event/music/design - ish blog? if I haven't abandoned this too long, i wouldn't be so stuck right now. I have clothes to DIY, works to be digitalized and uploaded to my behance, a book to read, things to be settled and files to be transferred. I failed all, except reading my book (sort of) and not just "any" book. It's the classic Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien. 1000++ pages with letters that are 9 to 8 point sizes small. I try making this break as productive as ever but it's too difficult cause I have a tendency to slack off and procrastinate and waste my 6 months. The whole purpose of trying all this isn't just a trend, I do find something meaningful to the things that they do, and they have so much passion towards it, I'm just at awe. Most of them are around my age and they've accomplished so many things and I'm here in front of my laptop, just envying those people and watching Youtube video's. So disappointed. I waste my whole mornings in bed and end up having 12/15 hours to spare. Tomorrow is a new day, well today actually.. and I think I should use this 6 months as a Self-build-up break.

P.S : I want a boyfriend, forget all the feminist crap and bullshit people say, I want to be in a relationship. I've been bottling this up for too long but I'm just too scared and too picky to have one. meh -.- "Retardism still exists in my dictionary"

Till then,

Toodles :)

Back and Up again

Hello fellow bloggers,

I have actually abandoned this blog for a very very long time and It's a pity because I've expressed so many things here. Memories. My english is not as articulate as before because I haven't been reading much and the people I hang around with don't really give a flying fuck about grammar (not everyone) and I guess my vulgarity has increased as well.. I know I can restart where I stopped? The last time I wrote a proper post was in November last year and August 2011 is just around the corner. How time flies, it's scary that things happen so fast. Things change and people change and of course I changed.. a lot. I can't possibly tweet all of this, it would be sickening to everyone. I've been updating my tumblr very frequently but it doesn't give me that much satisfaction as it did before. There is a certain expectations whenever I post anything, and to be honest I want feedback, I want people to like or reblog my post but some of the things I post aren't given that much feedback which turns me off. I use tumblr just to get ideas and collect them in a blog for me to browse through when I need inspiration the most, but 90% of it isn't MINE and I don't give much credit to the people that created it. I feel guilty.. Unlike this blog of mine is created by me and the posts are mine. I shouldn't have abandoned this. Anyhoo..

UPDATE :

Since November 2010, I finally finished my Diploma in Graphic Communication Design at Taylor's Lakeside. I still remember my post writing about which course to take and one of them was actually Environmental Biology. It's funny how I ended up taking arts instead, there's always a reason why. Art is more of my forte, I'm comfortable with design and I have so many interests related to it. Don't get me wrong, I was really into environmental studies when I was young, I still am, maybe... not as much as before but I do care for the environment. So.. I'm a free woman now, I'm just waiting for February for my next intake in Swinburne University, Melbourne. That's another big step.

2011 is the most active, great, different, busy year of my life. I've met so many people along the way. The good, the bad and any other cliche sentences you could think of. I've done crazy things with my friends, been to countless events, had good and bad experiences with guys and friends, drama. I've regretted what I said in my last November post about the guy I dated briefly, wrong judgement, seduced by his words and betrayed friends that trusted me. I was really messed up and I think I still am. I have that urge to do something bad but my conscience reminds me everyday what it'll do to me, but I never listen. Today, friends are important to me and so are my family. I won't let stupid urges lose friends I love. I've learnt it the hard way before, but I guess now the things I do, just effect me only and not anyone else (hopefully)

"You're young once, but you only have a few chances to improve yourself before death"

and to me, you don't know when you'll die. I scare myself sometimes with my thoughts but I'm as stubborn as hell. I have so many things I want to do, but I never initiate it.

Oh! I cut my hair super short since January this year and I've been frequently cutting it every 2 to 3 months. I even think because of my haircut I have even changed my personality and dressing. I'm liking the new me in that sense, maybe cause I'm quite confident unlike last time. It could be overwhelming to a few people but I don't really give a damn. I've taken interest with blogging and fashion styles and design I might combine all of this and make something out of it. I thought of creating a personal fashion blog and ideas or some-sort, but I don't know where and how to start. I even want to try new skills like skateboarding, I know... I would most probably trip and fall all the time, but what the heck, no harm trying right? Since I have six months, I want to do so many things and this August is fasting month and it's a month for me to be a better person and that's a promise. I'll try to update more and probably post pictures of anything recent.

If i were to vent everything it could probably end up looking like J.R.R Tolkien's "Lord of The Rings" book haha, but I wouldn't know where to start anyways. I write as if you were my long lost best friend. :p oh well... Till then, you'll be seeing more of me, maybe ;)

after months and months of vanishing, I finally get to write this again..

Toodles :)

Well, I won't be updating my blog so often here.

But check out my tumblr. *GASP I've turned into the dark side ahahah

http://lemonlimeliyana.tumblr.com/

enjoy :) :)

I'm back from the dead

Hey there,

I think the last time I've actually written anything was in May.. If I'm not mistaken. I've actually gone to Tumblr.. Yes I have gone into the "dark side" haha I don't really write posts there, not because everyone is posting images or reblogging other posts, but I've been expressing my emotions and feelings visually, with a few influences from the other users of course.

I find it hard to express myself directly because many people that I'm close to reads or browses through my post on tumblr and usually comments it straight to my face and frankly, I do hate that and I feel like slapping their faces when they do that. They judge the littlest things and I'll get offended. I might not have the strongest heart but I still can stand firmly on the ground. Hence, posting images or "quotes" are quite vague? Just because of that, I have a deep dissatisfaction of letting my emotions flow.

Looking back 8 months ago perhaps, I was a very different person. More of an introvert, never went out as much (other than being with my ex-boyfriend) , Couldn't talk to people, was more shy, Followed the rules (I still do) , and other things I can't think of. I wouldn't say I'm proud of it, but I choose to be the way I am now, it does help release my tension. I remembered using blogging as an alternative to help calm me down and went jogging whenever I had the chance. I guess I've opened myself to new friendships and made myself more friendly, tried making new friends and doing other things I usually won't do. I drive more often and I'm usually in college and I'll end up coming home by 7. I know I can't wake up early in the morning because I'm so used to sleeping late and waking up 8 hours after or even 12 hours if I get the chance but if I had class I would obviously wake up earlier but I would probably be a zombie when I get to campus. Work has been my life, and I've been burying myself in it to keep me occupied from "unnecessary" stress and when I get stressed from work, I'll turn to my friends to keep me sane or I guess "insane". That has been my life 24/7 for the past 8 months. Not just that, having unnecessary flings with hope and ending up with no feelings and despair. I've been treating each and every one of them like rebounds and I do feel very very sorry for all of them. I never had any intentions to do so. I haven't been a good girl, or a good friend or even a good daughter and somehow I always blame "him" because of it. Made myself vulnerable and I've turned into a more selfish person. I get so scared caring what others are thinking so I don't usually thinking about other people feelings and try not to get hurt, but I do at the end..

Everything is so messed up because finally after 8 months, I have finally adored someone. In the past 8 months, I have never thought about this at all and it was sudden. I never thought of liking him at all and he makes me happy. Finally someone that is concerned with what I'm going through and someone that listens to my problems. Someone I feel so safe with and I don't have to be so insecure for being so stupid when I'm around him. Someone that has an opinion and things to talk about and actually sounds interesting. Even though he likes talking a lot, he still does things that I like and talk about things that I like. The only problem is that, he has a girlfriend and he always had problems with girls.. I can't trust him and I can't be with him. He has TOO many problems to deal with and if I be with him, I'll be F-ed up as well. I sound like a bloody hypocrite and I'm being exactly like the girl I hate, but Karma slaps me again with another problem to solve. Frankly, I miss him a lot, and I do like him, I haven't seen him in a while and I miss talking to him, I feel like hugging him and I know this sounds smushy.. but I've been thinking about him A LOT. It's been a while I guess, and I haven't been a relationship since early this year. Heck, some people can last for years without one, why can't I right?

I've been babling too much.. I think I might start updating my blog again.. This feels good actually. :)

Till then..

Toodles

Thinking back

Fast forward, Hello peeps

I know it's been a while since my last post.

I've been updating my Tumblr (sort of)

Well what's on my mind now...

Honestly.. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. Lack of sleep, and not enough of food consumption. Whole workload of shit. I know I CAN handle this, but for now I'm too tired to even think about it.

I know it's too late to talk about this, but I do avoid this topic and I feel so awkward talking about it. I am enjoying life now, being single. Just the fact that, I did not plan to move on and I didn't think he would as well. I wasn't prepared for such news. Knowing that person even broke my heart into shattered pieces. The amount of apologies given won't change how I feel. I mean, I can't brush off a year that easily. This takes time and somehow I'm taking all my time to do so. I asked for it, so now I'm facing the consequences. I can't help to think that, it's just my luck and I will always end up being like this. The feeling of betrayal keeps replaying in my mind and more and more of those makes me depressed. It's karma, I guess. My perception of moving on, doesn't mean I need a boyfriend, I can live without one even though I will have an urge of wanting one. I really try to ignore you but you keep popping up like some pop up book and it catches me off guard. I can't look at your name and her name, I just imagine the most frustrating thing ever. I'll feel even more insecure. However, I did turn into a more optimistic person and I'm liking this feeling. Annoying at times, but I remembered I used to be like this last time. I guess I'm more friendly? I don't know, but I open up to people even more easily now. I feel cheery and people give the same vibe as well and it helps me, A LOT. Surrounded by people sort of puts my mind off him. I know that my family and friends are there to support me and I am so thankful for that. I don't know when I'll heal exactly but I know time is what I have now and I'm spending it slowly.

I want to say more but I think I would rather talk about one thing at a time.

Till then..

Toodles

Shopping spree

Hello everybody.
Today I was shopping by myself. I'm not trying to self pity myself or whatever, but everyone was occupied and I couldn't contact some of them. So why waste my time waiting and just get on with it and satisfy myself. WHICH I did. I bought a pair of shorts, a bag and a dress! I am happy, so so very happy :D

Went to Threadzoo which was at Rasta and then I went to another bazaar at Subang Parade which had quite an interesting variety of things but I met Yi-vonne and bought the dress at her shop Oh My Diet. Which I might say had the best choice. Cheh cheh commercializing pulak.. Today was quite dreary, the sky was so grey and it felt like it was gonna rain but thank god it didn't while I was driving back to TTDI.

I came back home and I watched NEW MOON, for the first time actually. I feel like beating Bella up, (for new moon fans please do not read this paragraph) She was fidgeting and shouting so much like a spastic child. (No offense by the way) Jacob was being such a nice and protective man and Bella had to choose Edward. New Moon somehow made the vampires even prettier (in a bad way) Vampires are sophisticated, dark creatures. They made them look womanly.. However, the female vampires had the most appropriate "look"? I'm quite dissatisfied with the movie. I'm not siding towards Jacob because he has that heavenly fine shaped body but he was truly a nice person in the movie and I preferred him since the First Twilight.

Anyway, I went and ate dinner with my family and waited so long for our food, my mom and sister bought groceries while waiting for the food and I ended up sitting there alone playing solitaire. -.- I have an interest when it comes to solitaire now, and I don't know why. Probably because I get bored too easily. While I was alone, there was this middle aged man staring at me while he was eating and gave me the smirk and that 'look'. Creepy. I don't understand why men like that even exist, he is such a pervert.

Today I was thinking and and came up with a sentence, 2 maybe..

" Even if you're treated badly doesn't mean u have to do the same. Sooner or later they will learn their lesson "

LIFE LESSON! Everyone should remember that :)

Well that's it for today. I miss writing long posts rather than posting images. I guess I didn't have interesting updates. Well, I wouldn't call this post Interesting but at least I had something to write about.

Toodles :)

I'M BACK!

Hello Everyone!
Gosh I abandoned you for so long.. Everyone kept asking me to update my blog and I'm so sorry.. haha So here's the update:
I have FINALLY finished my third semester and my FIRST YEAR of graphic design.
I'm moving to the new Taylors campus soon and I heard that there's a cow staying near the lake and after the rain stops the cow shit will linger around campus.
I am currently working at Topshop One Utama and the people there are GREAT!
2009 has ended and its Feb 3rd 2010. Started quite badly but its turning out okay now.
My house renovation is finally complete and I have my OWN room! AND i've finished putting everything in.
I went to the Nokia concert, and it was boring actually. Eventhough Boys like Girls performed, it wasn't my cup of tea.
I banged the car door and my finger got stuck, so I think my nail will be coming off soon.
I'm going to Kings of Convenience this 22nd of March with my brother and his friends.
My boyfriend is going to Sydney this March and he's going there for a year and a half to do his piloting.
I feel like shit now for many reasons actually.
I think I've turned into a twitter whore; belief me its not a compliment.
I have one drawer JUST for my shades and I still want to buy more.
I feel like smashing someones head to the door, but I can't cause that's considered as murder, if he/she dies.
My brother is working now, I'm so proud of him.
I think I lost my capabilities to speak french fluently.
I mainly post images in my tumblr.
After Photography class, I am finally inspired to take up photography again.
I want new clothes.
I have a cool bean bag chair.
I am loosing my patience.

I guess that's it for now, I don't think I will post frequent updates but I'll try my best

Toodles :)