4 O'clock

Gaaaaaaaaaaah! I want that hair. S'il vous plait? One day. But i'm wondering. "Will I look smokin hot?" :P

Other issues, I've been having weird and confusing situations. I can't really describe. It's like two emotions smacked your face at once. How is that possible? Life is confusing; you have no choice.

SPM is so close, OMG I'm so scared I have so many things to do, but so little time. 3 Months and 1 Month to trials :S S**T damn it, I don't think i'm ready. Too many things to read, I regret not studying earlier. I've been procrastinating a lot.

I haven't decided what i want in the future. Graphics is actually really interesting, but again I'm into the environment but i need to ace on my science subs which is really hard. haiya, so complicated. Why can't i rewind and STOP; take my time and reminisce.
Well off to the table of doom, I need to study. :)

Judgemental

When we notice a friends flaw we should help them.
Quote my friend " Kita seharusnya menjauhkan diri daripada orang yang busuk, dan mendekatikan diri kepada orang yang wangi".
I agree partially, but we should also HELP that's better rather then letting that person turn into a monster or something.
I don't understand people when they start manipulating people and not being friends for NO valid reason what so ever. I understand the persons situation and i can't change him/her, but she/he can only improve. There's always room for improvement and it's never too late to try.
Yet, there are people who don't WANT to understand and turn into stubborn donkeys just because they want to look like the angelic bitch.
It's like: If you see a dirty sick cat; probably you'll say "ewww gross it's dirty" but in the other hand the cat will probably die. BUT
if you HELP the cat, you'll save the cats life.
SO which one is better?
Friends shouldn't judge friends and you should accept who she/he is. Friends aren't robots.

Rein my kucing angkat

In memories to Rein.

I was so sad, I picked Rein up with my bare hands. It was hit by a car.
I tried to save it but it was suffering. I cried so hard. The bones were crushed, it couldn't survive even if I wanted to help. It was so lifeless, He usually is so jumpy and hyper; but it was the total opposite that night.
I placed him in an Ikea box with newspapers. I couldn't bare looking at him with his pain and blood all over my hands, but I had to put him aside; other idiots could bang him WITHOUT a reason. He didn't even stop and help put rein aside, that F**k. His body on my arms was the most agonizing feeling.
I can't describe the situation because it was so sudden and i was in shock, Even my own mother ordered me not to pick Rein up. Rein was like my kucing angkat and it felt like leaving you dead baby beside the road. That was so inhumane and i couldn't leave rein not being put aside. I sympathized my neighbor(rein's owner) , He was so happy with him and my neighbor isn't really a joyous man, but after rein came he was so full of happiness. Rein can be annoying, but it's a cat. Cat's aren't supposed to die that way. I can remember him squirming and moving so hard in pain. I can't belief someone can be that heartless.

Well i hope Rein is in a better place where cats run around with toys and litter boxes. And rein has been a good cat and I miss him jumping in the house for no reason. :)

Cold-hearted

Apparently I've changed to become a bad person or a bitch which i presume.
I don't jaga hati orang, I like to cari gaduh, Let's just say I'm a cold-hearted bitch, until I tak perasan what's right and what's wrong. That's me I guess.
Sometimes I wonder, If she starts looking at the mirror and stares at her self SO LONG and realize she's worse than me.

I took loads of patience with me whenever I am with her. I don't like fighting, that is just plain stupid. I hate being used, I am the definition of a friend with benefit. They don't take me seriously, I effing jaga her hati, you think I can do it 24/7, of course NOT. She does not know me, I am sensitive but I don't like showing it, cause it shows that I am weak, and when they look at me, memang lah they'll see something so weak until they use me.

It's been happening for years and this person doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, I have to do everything for her, all her responsibilities I kene tanggung. I shouldn't feel guilty, OUH let me add something I don't CARE about other people. again a COLD SELF HEARTED BITCH OF THE CENTURY. yup, that's me. I think there's a lot to add too.

I wonder why I put up with her. WHY in the world do I duduk sebelah dia. Patience is a virtue. Very hard to maintain. I'm wondering for real, i don't want to be bad, I've never berniat to be a bad person. I don't even know why this is bothering me. This is so small, compared to other problems that could affect their lives. This is a small matter. Why do I keep things to myself. sigh. I can be stupid at times, but that's me, being born after the last child which was 9 years ago.
Ok that was sarcastic, people hate me, and I don't knw.

Whatever.

Obstacles

Hmmmm??? Well lets see, SPM is another 144 more days to go 8O
I have a crappy friend, WHICH I don't even know what's happening,
I have tonnes and TONNES of homework,
My room is a mess,
I've stop being optimistic,
The world is gonna end and I am NOT even ready.
DAMMIT!

Am I a bad person? I'm confused :s I know I've done things which I know i shouldn't have and it's bad doing those stuff but literally saying am I a bad person with a black heart or a rock solid head or with eyes which i can't see what's good and what's bad?
I need people's opinions YET, they just keep it quite and start ignoring. That my fellow people, is just darn stupid.
I see things in such a pessimistic direction until it blinds me for what i should really see or realize.
What the heart can do to the brain.

I shall continue with my next blog. :)

Fear

The feeling of freedom may no longer be in my dictionary. As it haunts me day and night.
After the 'incident', I've been more secured more observant which also helps in a way;
but it scares me, anything can happen nowadays. You can't be carefree and clumsy, Being lonely in the house creeps me out. I'll be so paranoid, it makes me literally hide in a box and not come out. Well I don't really have a box that can fit me, but I still have a point to prove IF you know what I mean, I'll be holding my pepper spray, phone and slugger for my own safety. I feel so retarded. :/
Sometimes I just need someone there to be with me. I'm a chicken so yeah. Sigh. Stupid people, they have NO moral whatsoever! Jackasses. They made me put a "GRILL" in my house. Losers.
I'm even holding a slugger now, and pepper spray right beside me with my phone which has the police on speed dial. I saw a creepy man passing by my house a few times, such bad memories. I can't even breath properly now. Adrenaline..

thinking?

You’re so good at killing time

Excuses excuses that’s all you can think

Haven’t you realized that reality has much more to give

Migraines and headaches; isn’t that the same thing

I should be waiting, not over doing

I can’t say much because I’m the girl

Why should I be the wimp?

Is it because of trauma

I don’t know

I wish I did

Damn